Welcome to A Fly on the Wall! This post features a collection of random daily exchanges within the Mulligan household, as if observed by a fly on the wall. Check back here regularly as the list continues to grow. There’s never a shortage of laughs within our home! I hope you enjoy these as much as I do, cheers!

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A Fly On The Wall

Daddy To Mommy: (waiting for Charlee to finish her dinner so we can clean the table) “I feel like a bartender at 2:30 in the morning waiting for that one last asshole to leave.”

Mommy to Jameson: (about his new baby sister) “Don’t step on her head please!”

Jameson to Daddy: (pointing to his new converted toddler bed) “It’s my crib” Daddy: “It’s a big-boy bed!” Jameson: “It’s a big crib”

Daddy to Mommy: “Don’t you ever find it weird that your body secretes a warm children’s beverage?”

Mommy to Daddy: “Wow, the Flintstones really were historically inaccurate” Daddy: “I know, they didn’t have television”

Mommy to Jameson: “What are you doing with your butt?”

Daddy to Mommy: “Don’t you find it weird that lego people live in houses made of their own flesh?”

Daddy To Mommy: “It doesn’t matter how many showers you miss. If you take just one, you’re all caught up”.

Mommy To Daddy: “If I ever get rich, the first thing I’m buying is a personal chef.” Daddy: “Not me, I already have a personal chef.”

Daddy to Mommy: (showing me the new eco-friendly toilet paper he bought) “Seems pretty durable” Mommy: “If durability is what you look for in a toilet paper, you’re wiping too hard”

Daddy to Mommy: “If there’s anything I know, it’s that kids love touching ceilings.”

Daddy to Mommy: “It’s weird how I don’t even think the fire department coming to our house anymore is something out of the ordinary”

Mommy to Daddy: “Do you wanna order dinner or something?” Daddy: “I could go for a good burger.” Mommy: “Whatever we decide, it has to be something Jameson will eat. ” Daddy: “So, Macaroni and Cheese Palace then?”

Daddy to Mommy: (about the kids following him from room to room) “Ugh, it’s like The Walking Dead around here, one of them is always slowly lurking behind.”

Mommy to Daddy: “Do you think the Count from Sesame Street drinks blood?” Daddy: “No, he’s not that kind of Count.” Mommy: “What does that mean? He’s a vampire.” Daddy: “Well, I’m sure if he does drink blood it’s most likely synthetic or at least from animals.”

Daddy to Mommy: “I can’t help but feel like Tom Brokaw when I say “Ferrero Rocher”.

Daddy to Mommy: “This morning when I defrosted Jameson’s waffles, he remembered what buttons to push on the microwave.” Mommy: “Wait, why were you defrosting his waffles?” Daddy: “I thought you were supposed to. I didn’t want to get water in the toaster.” Mommy: “They’re called toaster waffles!”

Mommy to Jameson: “Honey, I hate that you’re so scared of spiderwebs. There’s nothing to be afraid of, they’re just sticky.” Daddy: “There’s a reason they’re a symbol of Halloween.”

Daddy to Mommy: (on the subject of pumpkin pie) “I love the crust on the bottom of pumpkin pie, but I’m not really a fan of the crust on the top, it’s really dry.” Mommy: “Yeah, I’m not really a fan either.” Daddy: “I guess it’s good if it’s served with ice cream or something.” Mommy: “But pumpkin pie isn’t usually served with ice cream.” Daddy: Well it should be. Oooh I know, the crust would be good with banana pudding or something.” Mommy: “Pumpkin pie served with banana pudding?”

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Thanks for reading A Fly On The Wall. Remember to check back regularly for new conversations! Share some of your family’s favorite conversations in the comments below. Cheers!

Related to A Fly On The Wall:

Shit My Dad Says

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