As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to compile some of the hilarious and offensive things that have come out of my dad’s mouth over the years. This is by no means a comprehensive list of “shit my dad says”, but as my siblings and I remember all of his unique idioms, it will continue to grow. What kind of shit does your dad say? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers!

Shit My Dad Says:

“If I talked to my father that way I’d be picking my teeth up off of the floor”

“The sun even shines on a dog’s ass from time to time”

“I like babies”

“Bada boom bada bing what a beautiful thing”

“If I wanted any lip I’d rattle my fly”

“You’re about as useless as tits on a ham sandwich”

“You’ve got an alligator mouth and a guppy butthole”

“I brought you into this world and I can take you out”

(In response to being 5 minutes late) “Would you wanna hang for 5 minutes?”

“Quit your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” or “Suck it up”

(On the 4th of July) “It’s like blowing your money up in smoke”

“I’ll pop you one”

“I feel like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet”

“I have to pee so bad I can taste it”

“You’re so full of shit your eyes are brown”

Thanks for reading “Shit My Dad Says”! What kind of shit does your dad say? Let me know in the comments below! Cheers!

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